Sitting with a soiled singlet in front of his workshop in Sex with multiple wives area of Lagos, the man spotting a pot-belly, that many could easily conclude to be a beer gut, is far from being an epitome of masculinity. That description summed up many of the assumptions about polygamous men in Nigeria. But at this point, his grin had metamorphosed into a grim expression that speaks of the turmoil that the man was battling with.
He regarded our correspondent with suspicion and asked again why he was being interviewed about sex in polygamous marriage.
But now, Bayeju no longer grinned. He shook his head as if in self-derision when he was asked to explain what polygamous men like him go through in fulfilling their sexual duties to their wives Sex with multiple wives making the women feel cheated.
According to Bayeju, more than anything else, the issue of sex is a source of constant confrontation in marriages such as his. When women in polygamous marriages are jealous of one another, then you have to abide by their rules about sex.
He said I should not have allowed my wives to choose what days of the week I should dedicate to their sexual needs. He said it was his decision. But I told him that he could only say that because his two wives are not living under his roof.
Bayeju, an Akoko, Ondo State indigene, said he had been living in Lagos for 17 years. According to him, he met and married his first wife in Then, a marital indiscretion led him to impregnate a woman, who became his second wife in Sex with multiple wives family members later settled the issue and I had to bring my second wife into the house. We were living in a mini-flat. So, I had to rent another apartment, a two-bedroomed flat so that they could get separate rooms.
In fact, the issue of sex was out of it for many months as she refused to have sex with me. My first wife said if I did not want to create trouble in the home, Friday, Saturday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday had to be her days. I knew she was trying to punish the new woman; but just to allow Sex with multiple wives to reign, I told her I had agreed.
But things have gradually changed over the last few years. Now, it does not really matter to either of them anymore.
Sex with multiple wives When Saturday PUNCH embarked on the task of finding out how men in this sort of unions manage to cope with upholding their sexual duties to their wives without leaving anyone disgruntled, many found it amusing that anybody could be interested in their sex lives.
The Nigerian movie industry, Nollywood, has often hinted at this part of polygamy in Nigerian societies, with romanticised traditional story lines that portray women, who have to share their husbands with other women, laying down ground rules about what days of the week sexual contacts would happen.
In many other instances, it is the men who lay down the rules because women hardly have a say in such matters in a deeply patriarchal society such as ours. My first wife welcomed me with excitement and cooked for me.
I became afraid because her happy mood was unusual. She has decided to kill you.
So, I thought she had poisoned the food. Julius said he refused to eat the food but when the woman noticed his suspicion, she sneered at him and was about eating the food herself when he took it from her and ate it.
I asked her what she did, all she said was that she added something to my food, not poison but something that would make me stay up all night. She left the room and refused to let me touch her. She said if I forced her, she would scream and wake up everybody in the house that night. She left the room and slept in the sitting room.
It got to a point I had to beg her, she still did not yield. He said when he made it Sex with multiple wives the night, most part of which was in agony, he had to report the case at the Ikotun Police Division but the policemen on duty simply laughed at him.
According to him, that incident caused a big problem in the family that took many months to settle. He said he is now wiser in managing his family affairs and issues that have to do with his sexual duties. In some cases, the women are forced to seek legal redress like year-old Maryam Mohammed, a resident of Sabon Lugbe area of Abuja did.
Maryam dragged her husband, Adamu before the court on the allegation that on days that were supposed to be her turn for sexual contact, her husband would sneak into the room of his second wife and spend the night there.
According to her, sex was not the only way her husband was exhibiting his selfishness in the home.
She said the man had also stopped giving her money to buy foodstuff. However, even though this report focuses on the cases of polygamous men who have to live up to their sexual responsibility to multiple women, many men in monogamous marriages too sometimes draw the ire of their wives for failing in that department. Few months ago, a Sex with multiple wives, Usman Aisha, dragged her husband, Ibrahim, before a Lugbe Grade 1 Area Court in Abuja on the accusation that he was not fulfilling his sexual duties and that when they had intercourse, he failed to live up to standard.
The marriage was dissolved when the man admitted that he was tired of the marriage too and could no longer cope with the sexual demands.
Polygamy or bigamy is no longer backed by Nigerian law in many states, except in 12 northern states, where Sharia Law permits such unions. In Lagos State, the government drew the ire of women when the House of Assembly Sex with multiple wives the bigamy law instating that the previous law criminalising it was no longer realistic.
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Before then, bigamy was a criminal offence. Before then, lawyers in the state, who clamoured for its removal from the criminal laws of the state, at the time, said it was not enforceable because of the peculiar nature of the Nigerian society.
A marriage counsellor, Mr. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, Sex with multiple wives, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH.
CD3DC0 Share your story with us: The matriarch of feminist history 9: The short answer is NO. The co-sister wives are not allowed to be naked around each other, let alone participate in a group sex with their husband.
But from what I understand, this is the schedule for more than just sex. It's also the islam encourages polygamy but strictly prohibits any kind of sexual relations.