There are many different kinds of affairs. I have learned over the years not to judge without having all the facts.
That said, having an affair always hurts someone, and for that, I wish more people would take accountability and admit that what they did was hurtful. What can I say? No Text affair with a married man how ugly the divorce is, sit down and tell the spouse you cheated on that you are sorry you hurt them in that way. The idea for this blog post came from a guy who wrote to me that he got divorced because he had an affair.
The woman he had the affair with was also married and both couples have kids. So, basically they got caught.
Since then, she has gone back to the affair once— for a couple weeks and subsequently broke it off again. Now this guy wants to know if he should wait for her.
Here are my thoughts. What that says to me is that the couple was not willing to come forward and end their marriages. Or maybe this woman never had an intention of ending her marriage.
After the couple was caught, the guy and his wife proceeded with the divorce.
Their needs are being met. Not the case with this guy. And maybe not the case with his wife, either.
As far as the woman giving her marriage another try, that says a lot, too. She has now gone back to the husband twice. She has chosen the husband over the affair twice.
So, she is really all over the place and desperately needs to figure out what she is doing. Therapy would be a good option for her. I think this guy owes it to himself to really take some time to think and not really focus on whether or not the woman comes back. He needs to let her figure out her life and what she really wants and time has to go by for both of them to do that.
But, I think he would be making a big mistake if he continues the affair. I think that it will only hurt his self-esteem for two reasons: That said they are confused people who made a bad choice in handling a not-so-ideal marriage. People who have affairs are so wrapped up in the excitement, the energy, the sparks and the feeling of being so happy and fulfilled that their mind is Text affair with a married man and they fail to think of the hurt they are causing someone they promised to love forever.
I can speak firsthand about being cheated on. Not in my marriage, but in two past relationships. It is the worst Text affair with a married man in the world. It makes you feel dirty —not just because you think you might now have an STD, but just kind of gross to think that the guy who you get naked with and are so vulnerable with went behind your back and got naked and vulnerable with someone else.
And, it makes you feel very embarrassed that other people probably knew. All those reasons go back to my saying that the cheater should apologize for the cheating, no matter what else and what other resentments are present in the relationship.
That at least the cheater cared enough to acknowledge that the situation killed you.
The bottom line is, all affairs are complicated and they rarely end well. And maybe the guilt gets to people, creating new resentment and of course, lack of self-love which will ruin any romantic relationship.
Almost always, everyone loses in an affair, whether it is a meaningless one-night stand or even a short emotional affair via Facebook messaging. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Pilossoph lives with her family in Chicago.
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