A guy came in with a carrot stuck in his anus. Said he was fishing and fell his rectum just happened to fall perfectly on a fishing pole. Recent one was a chorizo sausage. They examined him and found a vibrator lodged fairly deep. He reportedly was Anal insertion weird it to reach an itch. Apparently the itch was in his spleen because that thing was deep. Mom told me the story, and how she had previously asked him to not itch himself with other things of hers.
I honestly think she believed that he was just really itchy. Patient said nothing until CT showed the mass.
Unmistakable shape of a Barbie doll up his arse. He comes to, and sees his wife at his beside. She comes back in, and one of the nurses brings back the shit smeared Barbie doll, in a small, plastic bag.
Wife glares at him. Anyway, this woman deadpans the entire video, and follows it up with: She proceeds to tell us, in detail, about a man who stuffed a hamster into a condom, then shoved the rat-bag up his ass. The hamster then, out of suffocation, chewed through the condom, clawed Anal insertion weird way deep into the rectum, where it drowned in a mixture of blood and shit after shredding his colon in a frenzy.
Like some fuckered South Park joke. She was part of the team that had to retrieve it. His mom always seemed like the demure housewife, but daaaamn.
That lady has seen some shit. He was acting suspicious and kept Anal insertion weird his story, symptoms, site of the pain etc.
He had inserted a deflated full-size basketball note—a VERY cheap one into his ass and pumped it up. Amazingly he somehow managed to pump the ball up to the point where it popped inside his asshole. The popping Anal insertion weird what had caused his pain, but the kicker was this: The basketball was still inside his ass and after the pop a combination of pain, presumably swelling, and it still being semi-inflated had meant he was unable to retrieve it himself.
One day an elderly man gets to the ER with the handle of a paintbrush up his butt. By chance, he also had a scratch on his wrist, and that was his answer to everyone: He the patient grabbed her hand and placed it on his lower abdomen, then asked if she could still feel it vibrating.
X-rays confirmed, sure enough he had lost his vibrator straight up his ass. The cause of the stomach pain: The X-ray made it look like he was a real life Riddler victim.
Made for a cool X-ray, possible new ad campaign? How was your week? On second thought, my week was actually pretty decent. One that was particularly mesmerizing was a Cheez Whiz Anal insertion weird with three ping pong balls in it. The guy said he had gotten carried away. No further explanation needed…I guess? Her best story is the guy who claimed to have been nude gardening.
Impaling himself via the rectum. After removal, and behind the scenes, one of the doctors chased her and another junior nurse around with it for giggles. She still cries with laughter when telling the story—especially as it had a Tesco price label still stuck on. We get to the ED and he Anal insertion weird a very hushed conversation with the nurse.
As soon as he sits down in a chair in the waiting room, two nurses come out to help him into an exam room. The next morning I wake up again at 6am to angry pounding on my door. She was looking for her brother because he never came home the night before and I was the last person he was seen with. So I tell her I took him to the hospital the morning before and Anal insertion weird was being admitted.
We get to his room just after his doctor gave him his post-op consultation. In the end he was just loving himself too vigorously and got a marital aid stuck in his pooper. He was hunched over, not walking correctly. To give a better visual, he was walking like his stomach hurt and maybe was Anal insertion weird to throw up.
Very slow, very calculated movements as to not disturb the juices. He is slight, average height, very skinny. Says he is constipated.
I probe further, verbally of course. It was in a hazard waste bag X 3 for sanitary reasons. Guy calls in, bleeding significantly from his rectum. We get there to see a Costco-sized shampoo bottle inserted into his rectum, pump side out. He slipped and Anal insertion weird while in the shower and landed rectum first on the shampoo.
And apparently it happened again after I was done shadowing the EMTs. Just get a goddamn dildo. His explanation was something like whilst he was peeling potatoes naked of courseone fell on the floor.